Stat Counter

View My Stats

Friday, October 14, 2005

"W" In Prayer Meetin'

Overheard in the oval office:

GWB: Hi, Karl, what’s cookin,’ dude?
KR: Mr. President, there’s some folks here who are mighty het up.
GWB: No kiddin? Who all?
KR: Oh, Jimmy Dobson, Pat Buchanan, Billy Kristol, guys like that.
GWB: Really? They want another prayer meetin’?
KR: No, Georgie. Don’t think that’s gonna do it this time.
GWB: Well, that’s too bad, K. What do I do?
KR: Bring ‘em in and turn on your famous boyish charm, I’d say.
GWB: Oh, sure. Anythin’ y’all say.
[There’s a pause, some background noise, and a round of “Hi, Y’alls” and “God blesses.”]
KR: Why don’t we get down to it, folks? Just tell W what’s itchin’ your shorts, so to speak.
[There is a moment of silence, apparently not a silent prayer, but hesitation. Finally, Kristol speaks up.]
WK: Mr. President, it’s this nomination of Harriet Miers. We’re a bit upset, to tell the truth.
GWB: Really? No kiddin’? I thought Karl gave y’all the wink on that one. Y’all can trust me.”
JD: He sure did, W. But, the thing is, I started in a-prayin’ on it, and I began to doubt my faith.
GWB: Doubt? Lose faith? You?
PB: With all respect, Mr. President —
GWB: Hey now, in here I’m just old W, okay?
PB: Okay, er, W, we all are nervous because we been a-waitin’ all our lives for this moment.
WK: That’s right, got control of the Congress, and now, praise the Lord, we finally get another seat on that — pardon my blasphemizin’ — dad-blamed golldarned Su-preme Court.
GWB: Well, wasn’t my chief justice Rogers [Rove whispers in W’s ear] — er, Roberts, good enough?
WK: No, no, he’s fine. A fine choice. Smart man.
KR: Okay then.
PB: Well, it’s just that this, er, woman —
GWB: Is that what’s troublin’ y’all? She’s really not a woman woman, if y’all get my drift.
JD: Well, darn it. That’s just the point. Never been married, what’s that all about?
GWB: Now, now. I been a-knowin’ Harriet for years. Prayed with her don’t know how often. She’s a reliable warrior for the right, that is, the righteous. I’d bet my soul on it.
JD: Here’s the nub of the point, W. I prayed on it, been searchin’ scriptures and my worry is that this woman, who is without a strong man in her life —
KR: Jesus.
JD: Okay, except for Him. Well, she may have all the good will we would want now, but once she’s on the court she’ll be exposed to all sorts of temptations.
GWB: Temptation?
PB: Yup. All sorts, from those devils on that Court.
JD: The Godless Left and the Faithless Middle.
KR: But, Harriet’s strong, for a woman. Beats me in arm wrestling.
WK: That don’t say much. Janet Reno beat Clinton all the time.
JD: That’s the problem. What if she’s alone with that other temptress, Ruth Bader Ginsburger? If that she-devil works her wiles, there’s no tellin’ what kind of evil might follow?
PB: And her name, W, that’s a tad troublin’ too.
JD: Miers? Harriet Miers? I knew a Harriet Finkelstein and a Mendel Myers. None of ‘em were what I’d call people of faith, if you git me.
WK: I heard she might be related to that woman who ran Israel a while back. Golda Meirs?
GWB: No, no. Harriet is born again, I can assure y’all.
PB: Aha. But what if she gets born again again once she’s on the Court?
GWB: Ain’t gonna happen. I know what’s in her heart, fellas. Y’all got to trust me on this.
JD: Sorry. We just can’t risk it. What if her heart is of the bleedin’ kind? Or a cheatin’ heart?
GWB: Can’t believe that of Harriet. Sure, she’s compassionate, just like me. But she’s a woman who’ll stand by her man.
[There is another silence, heavy sighs. Finally, a deep voice trembles.]
PB: Y’all might be in for a fight on this one, W. After all, you’re just a dead duck.
KR: That’s a lame duck.
WK: Whatever.
KR: Well, y’all gotta do what y’gotta do.
GWB: Let’s pray.